Trial and Errors Visits LA: Day 5

I spent yesterday and today visiting an old friend in San Diego. I hit traffic going down, and I hit traffic coming back. I came home and my housemates had gone into my room to feed my (apparently very vocally upset) cat (and I felt so bad about it). I guess that’s life in southern California.

Tomorrow is the big day — first day at work! I’m so excited! It’s Alx!’s first day, too.


Trial and Error Visits LA: Day 2

It’s funny how the things that I would ordinarily hate about living in LA (well, in the LA suburbs) actually seem quaint and somewhat charming right now. The way people over-accelerate and brake late, the way it’s too damn warm, the way that even NPR treats LA like it’s the center of the universe, it’s all “cute” in a way that would be very very annoying if I actually lived here.

It keep reminding myself that I’m just a visitor here. An outsider. If I were trying to identify with this place, I would be very disappointed and angry and bitter (well, more bitter than usual) that they weren’t changing to fit with my values and my worldview. Instead, I can take on the anthropologist’s mindset, accept that LA is the way that it is (and there’s nothing I can or should do to change it), appreciate its virtues and ignore its vices, and await the day when I return to green, rainy, beautiful, passive-aggressive Seattle.

Didn’t do very much today. I got up and checked my bank balance — moving is expensive, as it turns out. I sent an e-mail to my recruitment person to check on when I get paid, but if it’s when I think it is, it should be OK. I did a test run to work — I have at least three options for taking pub-trans to work, and my choice will depend on what my work schedule actually is (as opposed to what the employee manual says my tour of duty is, which includes none of the overtime I’m expecting/hoping for). None of them are cheap, of course — fortunately, the government is picking up my transit costs.

Still haven’t met with my housemates on getting wifi at the house — hopefully they’ll be home when I get back from this Starbucks.


Trial and Error Visits LA: Why?!

I should have mentioned, of course, the reason why T&E (well, half of T&E, anyway) is in LA. I’m starting a summer job on Monday with a government agency. I’ll blog about it here. I’ll keep it somewhat somewhat vague, but I’ll share what I feel I can.


Trial and Error Visits LA: Day 1 of ?

Today is my first full day in LA. I’ve spent the last week trying to get down here, and I might spend the next three months trying to get home.

I spent all last Wednesday moving the stuff that’s too big to fit in my car and not important enough to move to LA with me. My furniture and a few boxes of stuff went to my storage unit (with the help of my friends Aaron and Rachel), leaving behind what I thought was just enough stuff to fit in my car and take to California.

Turns out I’m very bad at judging these things.

Loading my car should have taken three hours, by my calculations. As it was, it took about eight, not including all of the other running around I had to do on Thursday. By the time night fell on Thursday (by which point, since my dome light was obscured and there was no outdoor lighting, I was forced to stop loading my car), I still had another four hours worth of work ahead of me.

There’s somethig about the kitchen that defies making predictions about how much is there and how long it will take. Maybe it’s all the cabinets.

With the car fully loaded (with the exception of the front seat, which was set aside for my cat DJ), I finally got on the road on Friday afternoon, about 18 hours later than I’d planned. I had planned to spend Thursday night at a friend’s house in Corvallis, OR, but that of course fell through when it became 10 PM Thursday and I still had another three hours of loading to do.

My first stop was in Yreka, CA. In a minor triumph, my little car made it through the entire state of Oregon (and about a third of the state of Washington) without refueling. They say that the mandatory attendant gas pumping in Oregon doesn’t affect the price of gas that much, but I’m still skeptical.

After spending the night in Yreka (at a discount motel with no appreciable air conditioning), DJ and I headed down to th Bay Area, which is where I grew up. I’d set up a Facebook event for people to come and say hi at a bar near where I went to community college, but only one person showed up. I guess you really can’t go home again. I did, however, go on a Segway tour of San Francisco on Sunday, so I did have a good time all the same. (I checked — the ones in Seattle are somehow more expensive.)

My friends with whom I stayed in the Bay Area had a cat of their own (so DJ couldn’t be out and about unsupervised) and an air mattress for me to sleep on (so DJ couldn’t sleep with me, since kitty claws and inflatable things are incompatible). Poor DJ spent most of last weekend locked up in the guest bathroom. I felt so bad for him — he would let out these loud pathetic cries (not bad for a deaf cat).

We left for LA yesterday afternoon, taking I-5 (sorry, I’m in SoCal now: The 5) the whole way down. DJ was much calmer on this leg of the trip than he had been before. Maybe he was more used to the carrier and the car, maybe he was just glad to be out of that bathroom. We didn’t hit traffic until we got into downtown LA. The community where I’m staying is east of the city, so we had to go downtown and then take another freeway heading away from downtown which was, at that time of day, overtaken with going-home commuters).

I arrived last night and promptly turned the cat loose in my room since he hadn’t been able to use the litter box all afternoon. I tried to sign on to my housemates’ wifi network, only to be met with, ‘oh we don’t have a wifi connection’. (Seriously? What is this, 2003?) They also like their TV loud in the living room (right outside my door), so I picked up some earplugs rather than make a big deal out of it.

Today I went up to Costco and picked up some delicious breakfasty things. I also spent an hour or two at Starbucks, using their wifi so I could update my e-mail (well, update it better than I could on my phone, anyway) and clean out my Google Reader.

Lessons learned?

Pack your car up first. Do this before you make any assumptions about how much stuff you can fit in it.

Get a bigger storage unit. No, even bigger than that. They give you the first month free, so use the money you save to get a bigger unit.

Do not drive large rental trucks up 35th Ave NE in Seattle. It looks wide enough, but it isn’t.

Feed the cat. He gets meowy if you don’t.

If you forget the food bag (stupid), treats do not count as food.

He won’t use the litter box at rest areas, so don’t even bother.

For all his meowing, the cat is more resilient than you think.

Make sure the rental agreement says ‘includes wifi’.

Leave enough time to take to Goodwill the stuff that won’t fit in storage and won’t fit in your car.

Just because you’re on the road doesn’t mean you can eat whatever you want. Bleh.

Everything that sucks about the Bay Area is everything that sucks about LA. But that’s about it — one isn’t really better than the other. Years of antipathy towards southern California seem silly now, since brown hills all start to look alike after two years in green rainy Seattle.

Alx! is the best BFFLS ever.


Wonderful!

Ah, sometimes school is just so great.  Seriously, I know you all think I’m certifiable now, but today was just truly lovely.

I love my Chinese law class.  Actually today was the last substantive class, and I remember how at the beginning of the quarter I was totally bitching about how the course was cross-listed and there were all these non-law students in it… It’s funny because now I realize it’s the best class I’ve taken at law school probably because of all the non-law students.

The class today reminded me so much of my MA experience.  In my MA class there were only 15 of us, and we were all pretty close, so class time was often derailed by goofy, nerdy joking/arguing/yelling/laughing that was totally on topic with the class and yet completely out of control of the professor.  It was informal and really useful and a lot of fun – a community of people who were genuinely enjoying the experience of learning, to the extent that they were happy sitting in a room for three hours and joking about it.

That’s basically what happened today.  I’d say the professor had control for the first half of the class, but then the perfect storm of the end of the quarter + sunny weather totally derailed us, and we were somehow more casual, more friendly, and more vehement.  By the time class ended we were yelling at each other and laughing and having fun talking about Chinese law.  All the while the professor (a law school prof) was giddy and laughing to see all of us so engaged.  Actually he cracked up at a few points.  So great.

Again I’ll reiterate that I do love law school, but you don’t see this stuff happening (at least I didn’t) in a 1L Contracts class full of people who want to do non-contract-related law, or whatever class it is that you’re in 1L year.

We law students focus so much on just getting through the immense suffering of the process of law school that it was infinitely uplifting to experience a class of students who were, in the moment, happy.  Today’s class was a sweet reminder of why I’m still in school – of why I’m here.  It was perfect… and just what I needed right now.


Please Don’t Forget What You Came For

Here I sit, in my favorite class of this quarter, thinking about the things that keep me showing up and participating – since it’s clearly not the whopping 5% of my grade governed by participation.

Another classmate told me that he wasn’t planning on attending many sessions because “at 5% participation, it isn’t a priority.”

Why do we participate in class?

Are your classes, fellow law students, mostly comprised of glassy eyes glued to your computer screens and multiple gchat conversations?  Or do you participate?

I’m not a gunner.  I never have been – I’ll come right out and say I don’t generally get A’s, I’m not on law review, and I don’t do moot court.  Yep, I am, on paper, a mediocre law student.

However.  In my classes my hand is almost always up.  Even if I didn’t do the reading – I’m always asking questions or picking fights or getting involved.  (Except for right now, when I’m writing a blog post.)

So why do I do it?  Why put myself on the line and risk making a fool of myself, around professors who probably won’t remember me anyway?

I think I know the answer today.

Maybe I have this perspective because I came to law school with a Masters degree behind me (Wm! can add the perspective of someone who went directly BA–> JD) – but for the most part I’m not here for the grades or the prestige or the firm job or whatever.  I worked really hard in graduate school to discover my own interests and build a foundation of knowledge because I wanted the knowledge, not because it was  a step towards some other place.  Maybe that’s why I couldn’t find a job afterwards, but the perspective I got from two years of doing that was that I’m confident I’ll find a path, and the things I’m doing now are for me more than anything else.

My philosophy ties in with this post by Jon Katz//Underdog, which is cool, because he’s someone I’ve considered an intellectual mentor for a long time (I’ve been a follower of his blog for, like, ever).  Fear not – be here now.

I’m here for myself.  I was so excited before 1L year because I actually wanted to know all of the things I was preparing to learn.  I was genuinely interested.

So to bring it around, the reason I participate is because:
A) I follow Mr. Katz’s advice and I just take the leap and the risk and add my voice to the argument – I don’t fear the retort, because the future isn’t real.  I am here, now.
And,
B) I’m not doing it for the participation points.  At 26 years old, when I’m paying for the education, the dynamic must change.  No longer am I an ignorant pupil with a blank slate on which my professors will write — I am an equal, a colleague, participating in the discussion, and it is really truly, as cliche as it sounds, no on else’s loss but mine if I stay silent, stay unprepared, slide by.

To me, class participation means reaching my goal of success in law school – gaining knowledge and gaining understanding; not the standard ‘getting good grades’ model of success.  Anecdotal evidence suggests that my method seems to be more effective.


Remember, You Were Just Arresting Him…

First, read/watch this:

Accused rapist attacked by victim’s husband, friend

Then read this:

RCW 9A.16.020

This makes me mad. I think the husband and his friend showed considerable restraint, given that the suspected rapist is still breathing. So remember, if you come home and you find someone has just raped your spouse, you were “detaining” him after the fact. That’s why he looks like that.


Quick Hit: More Proof Nature is F*cking with Us

h/t my friend Mel…

This thing:

Look at it.  Just look at it.

Isn’t it stupid looking???  In that, oh shit it might kill me, kind of way?

And in addition to the stupid lookingness of it… it is apparently known as a HORNY LIZARD.

A HORNY LIZARD, my friends.  There you have it.

YOU’RE WELCOME.


Mid-Life(law school) Crisis

I seriously thought that when I left graduate school, my days of bursting into tears in front of my professors were finally over.  I really thought that leaving academia, and putting the Sisyphean task of finishing MA research behind me would mean I would somehow be less ridiculous.  Actually, this did not happen!

Well, to be fair, I lasted almost two years.  So that’s good!  I think…

Anyway, I went to pitch my paper proposal to my Chinese Law professor, because I am doing this insane thing of writing a very long paper instead of taking a short exam.. and anyway, we started talking.  My paper pitch had to do with institution-building – I guess I was sort of camouflaging a sociology paper in the context of criminal law to make it sound more law-y, or something.  Anyway this guy (who is great, by the way) totally called me on it.  Once we got to talking about civil society, and alternative institutions to the state, and we were arguing about the role of criminal organizations in maintaining social control… ANYWAY what happened was he totally called me on even coming to law school.

He just out and said it -

Him: why are you here??
Me: o.O
Him: No seriously, you’re really good at this stuff.  Clearly you are very passionate about this work.
Me: I have a MA degree in peace and conflict studies… so I kind of have a background but…
Him: Alex… this isn’t law.
Me: o.O
Him: This isn’t law.  This is sociology.  Why did you come to law school if you love this institution-building and civil society stuff so much?
Me:
–long pause–
Me: I left my field because I couldn’t get a job.
Him: But you’re good at this.  Really good at thinking about these issues.  The paper topic you pitched… it sounds like new research.  It’d be a  reasonably good doctoral dissertation.  It’s not a short paper for a mid-level law class…
Me: Well….
–long pause–
Me: //burst into tears//
Him: o.O
Me: OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING HERE WHY DID I LEAVE IR OMG I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS WAAAHHHHH //law student stress freakout//

He was very nice about it.  He started telling me about PhD programs.  And how there’s this one, in Amsterdam (holy shit.) that is totally perfect for me, and that it’s really great on rule of law and East Asia and civil society and ahhhrrgghhh I just had to tell him to stop telling me about it.

Because what am I supposed to do?  I’m a 2L now, totally specializing in criminal law.  Which I also love – let’s be really clear about that.  But my professor is correct.  I love academia.  I love it.  When he and I were talking, arguing about civil society and the role of the state, I freaked out because I felt like I was in a different place.  It was transcendent.  I was so happy.  I haven’t had a conversation like that in years.  It was amazing.

And it lit a fire in my mind that I put out three years ago when I left my field.  When I decided JD over PhD, work in the “real world” over a life of perpetual student-hood.

It’s the first time in nearly 2 years of law school that I’ve fundamentally questioned my path.  I guess I’ve been overdue for an existential crisis lately, but I was kind of hoping I was settled.

I had a flash – a flash of the future that was a near certainty for me three years ago – a life of work in other countries, travel all over the world, adventures and change and all the freedom that comes with impermanence.  There aren’t really any jobs abroad, for a county prosecutor.  Have I been telling myself that this new life is “good enough” – to kill the pain of leaving an old one behind before I was ready?

Now I’ve got Amsterdam stuck in my head.  And PhDs.  And floppy lampshade hats.  And dammit, now who knows where I’ll be off to next – I’m so susceptible to my existential mood swings.  I think I might apply, next year.  As long as there aren’t any jobs here anyway, I guess I could just cast my net, and let the universe decide.  I can think of worse things, I suppose, than the possibility of a “perfect” doctoral program in one of my favorite cities on this planet.  Way worse things, actually.


It’s Not About Us Right Now: Let’s Not Forget the Real Victims of the Texas Textbook Disaster

When I read Amanda Marcotte’s discussion of the new Texas textbook requirements, my mind  immediately left the points she made and began contemplating all of the collateral consequences this will have, and how we will see them ripple for, potentially, generations. Amanda talks about how the purpose of the legislation seems to have been to piss off liberals.  Maybe so, but it’s almost too obvious to point out that really, the people who are going to suffer here aren’t the liberals who are angry – it’s the children, at least directly.

Will this cause a massive brain drain from Texas? Before you crack a joke remember that UT Austin is a huge, world-class school — will it mean that in a few years, none of the elite universities in the country will accept students from Texas public schools? What will it mean for progressive (or just rational) educators in Texas?

I can’t imagine being a teacher in Texas and being expected to teach this stuff.  Educators go into that field because they want to educate – what will they do?  Probably, many of them will leave.  There will not only be this terrible textbook mess, then – there will also be literally no good teachers left in Texas.  The good ones would leave or, refusing to teach this nonsense, be fired.

Of course there’s also a class element here isn’t there? The only schools affected by this are public schools, of course – so what’s going to happen is that the same crushing class divide between public and private schools will become further ingrained.  Already with the fallout of No Child Left Behind, as low-performing schools lose funding, the parents of kids who have any money at all take the kids either out of district or into private school, so the schools, already underfunded, begin to fall away and continue into a cycle of no funding –> low performance, ad nauseum.  As this textbook plan is implemented, rational parents who have money will move their kids into private schools, whereas the poor kids will have to stay and be forced to receive this “education.”

And since students from Texas public schools will be unable to compete with applicants in other districts, no one from these schools will be able to get into university, which will further enforce the divide between rich and poor and, at least in Texas, hammer the final nail in the coffin of the middle class.

After considering at least these consequences first, then it’s fair to consider the rest of the country (and not just liberals).  Students from the US can’t keep up with graduates from other countries in math and science.  We already lag behind several far less economically developed countries in education.  By teaching abject falsehoods, we’re not just hurting kids from Texas, we’re further relegating US graduates into the second and third tier of competitiveness for high tech, science-related, math-related, engineering, or related fields.  That, let me be clear – that is fucking tragic.

The bottom line here is that the people on the front line of this are the kids who are going to be robbed of their chance at an education – the most valuable thing, in my opinion, any one person can ever have, and also the best possible path to self-enrichment and financial independence.

After that – well, after that I think we are going to see collateral consequences of this the likes of which would surprise even the most astute social observer.  Don’t forget – this isn’t going to just affect Texas, it’ll be far more widespread than that. In my constant mental struggle between whether these people are stupid or evil, dooming a generation to ignorance and poverty (and dooming our country along with them), because the truth isn’t convenient — that’s a mark of pure, unadulterated evil.


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